Jennifer Brown

I always say that I love revising. And it's true -- I do love digging out flaws in my writing and making the good parts really shine. I love the end result of a well-revised manuscript.

But what I think I've forgotten (sort of like post-natal amnesia, only this is post-publishing amnesia) is how scary the first round of revisions really can be. Feels like standing at the bottom of a very large mountain, poised to climb to the top, knowing that if you stray off the narrow and winding path at any point, a mountain lion will pounce on you and eat your face off.

That's where I am today. Standing at the bottom of that mountain, mentally willing it to turn into a molehill (moles aren't really that frightening when it comes to the prospect of face-eating).

I've given my editor's revision suggestions days' worth of thought. I've re-read my manuscript with an open mind and an eye for error. I know her suggestions are spot-on. I know what I need to do. I've taken notes and plotted out new scenes and have no next step except for that first step up onto that molehill.

*sigh* It's still a mountain.

This first round of revisions tend to be the big, sweeping changes. Problems with the plot. Problems with characterization. Problems with relationships between the characters. Big, sweeping changes means big, sweeping slashes into my manuscript. Heck, with Hate List, I not only removed whole scenes, but even whole characters. Sure, it stings on the old ego, but the bigger problem is the fear. Forcing myself to make that first cut. Forcing myself to get into the manuscript and start hacking away.

What if I screw it up worse than it already is? What if the problems aren't fixable? What if I just can't do it?

These are things that are going through my mind, along with embarrassment (yep, I always feel a little embarrassed, especially by the obvious mistakes), frustration, fear, and the nagging certain knowledge that if I don't get it totally right... the very first reviewer to set eyes upon the finished novel will point out exactly where I got it wrong.

But there's also excitement. We're in revisions! That means not too many months before I'm looking at cover designs and ARCs and doing all the fun (and exhausting) leading-up-to-publication stuff!

And there's pride. I've done it. I've finished a novel. And I don't care if it's your first or your hundredth novel... it feels like an accomplishment every. single. time. (I have five finished trunk novels, so I know for a fact that the sense of accomplishment hangs on for at least five).

And there is the wish that it would just stop stinking snowing outside and the kids would have a full week of school, but I'd probably be wishing that if I didn't have revisions on my desk right now.

So that's where I am. Standing on a molehill and seeing a mountain. Today I make my first changes to The Novel That Desperately Needs a New Title Because If I Look at The Working Title Again I'm Going to Vomit (<-- that title seems a bit on the long side, doesn't it? Hm. Back to the drawing board).

It's a good day.